


superheroes and players amidst fruitless battles

by phatrat



Series: It was beautiful, it was brutal, it was cruel, it was business as usual. [2]
Category: Homestuck, The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Again, BASICALLY THE HARGREEVES AND THE KIDS AND SURVIVING TROLLS WHOP LORD ENGLISH'S ASS, Basically everyone who didn't die during the comics and was alive during the epilogue, I hope I didn't miss anyone, Multi, motherfucker is dead in this au, no beta we die like men, we ain't including gamzee
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-21
Updated: 2019-06-05
Packaged: 2020-01-16 13:21:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,940
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18522391
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phatrat/pseuds/phatrat
Summary: When the beta and alpha kids appear in the middle of the Hargreeves dinner, telling tales of an unbeatable boss, the rekindled superheroes agree to help bring down this massive douche, who had apparently dubbed himself as 'Lord English?'





	1. The Appearances

**Author's Note:**

> Oof

JOHN EGBERT stands at the foot of a boxy white house. His hand is tiny in comparison to the glowing mammoth of a building, but calling it a building would be a stretch. It was cubes of matter clustered into the shape of a house, a few yards thick and a few thousand yards tall.

John's eyes are not visible behind the thin lenses of his glasses, the sheen of the glowing house obscuring his gaze from an outsider's perspective. He smiled wide, a mouth of crooked teeth and blinding happiness curled into his cheeks, and turned the knob. The material it was made of was cold as frozen nitrogen. The door flung open and all that was behind it was more and more space, never-ending.

White fire pulled them in as their vision blinked out and the players-turned-gods tumbled into the blood-stained velvet of the game. 

,

,,

,,,

 

The de-aged and still tingly with shock-ed Hargreeves siblings were eating dinner when the ground started shaking. The light dimmed to a despairing, wallowing black as stars began to poke through, faint as smoke.

The superheroes stood, looking around in wonder and distrust as the shaking grew harder. Sigils appeared above the dinner table, a yellow sun, a red cog, a white spiral, a blue wave. They faded as figures dropped down, faces slack with unconsciousness and dressed in odd pajamas. They hovered in the air above the table before crashing down. The wood snapped benethe their weight. A new set of sigils appeared; a pink half-filled heart, a green stalk, eight deep blue ticks in a circle, and white and yellow wings. Four new bodies flickered into existence. They dropped on top of the previous people.

The Hargreeves just stood in silence as they gazed at the pile of bodies in the wreckage of their dinner. Allison spoke first, her tinny voice loud in the ringing silence. "What the fuck?"

,  
,,  
,,,

  The beta kids ended up waking first, starting with The muscular, tall and darker skinned girl with circle glasses. The Hagreeves clustered as the girl sat up, groaning as her thick curls swallowed her tan face. Dog ears(?) poked out of the mess of her hair, pale as fresh snow and a stark contrast to the grayscale of her outfit (sans the shoes.)

  She blinked at them, brushed her hair back, and then grinned wildly; laughing as she jumped up and around like an off-kilter kangaroo. She kicked John in the ribs excitedly, the red glitter of her shoes leaving a faint residue on his blue shirt as he yelped and shot up, clutching at his sternum. Then he laughed, his wild hair rivaling the girl next to him's as he bounced around with her, they clasped arms and shouted at the top of their lungs,"FUCK YOU, BETTY CROCKER," in maniac delight.

  This stirred the girl with pale, pale purple hair and an orange and exotic looking robe with a sun on it and blue ballet flats. She pushed herself to her elbows, head tipped down and face obscured by a curtain of light hair fitted with a thick, soft headband. She cast her slitted, makeup heavy eyes upward and hissed sometching at the joyous pair. They quieted, still almost vibrating with excitement. The girl rolled onto her back, chest lurching in staccato breaths as she swatted vaguely at the tall, pale boy with strawberry blond hair that was sprawled at her side half-hazardly. Sunglasses obscured his eyes like the freckles that obscure his cheeks and throat, and he let out a half groan half curse as he swatted vaguely at her back. 

  The darker haired pair helped them up, and finally met the gazes of seven confused and angry superpowered siblings. "Who are you?" Vanya was meek as she peeked around Allison's tiny frame, her long hair twisted around her shoulder. The dog eared one smiled brightly. "I'm Jade, that's my brother John, that raccoon over there is Rose and her motherfucker of a brother is Dave. You don't know how good it is to meet you." Jade's voice was warm as it hung in the air, then froze as she paled. "The trolls. Where are they?" Her voice lost all that previous friendliness. She turned to Dave in an almost feral state. "Where are the trolls?" The already pale boy turned paler, white to the face as he gripped her sleeve. "Hold up, hold up," Klaus interupted, eyes focused as he made his fingers into a T. "Trolls? I'm sorry, but you and that other group are the only people who broke our table." He trailed off into a nervous trill. 

  But Jade wasn't listening. She and Rose helped up a tan girl with blonde hair that faded into orange and curled into pink at the bottom like a strange, highly saturated sunset; a stringy body like a cheetahs, as well as a pale boy with a spikey dirty blonde hair and triangle shades, freckles dotting sharp cheeks and a soft nose; built lean and broad. John and Dave helped a soft girl with short, curly dark hair and pale skin, blue eyes kind and the frames of her glasses the color of blood; a build made for strength, a slight, fine-boned boy with tan skin the color of caramel and covered head to toe in freckles, with a curly mop of dark hair and thick glasses;built slight and long like a runner. Jade looked close to tears even as she hugged them fiercely. 

  She then blinked out of existence, reappearing in a blaze of green fire with three new people(?). Two were female, one was male. All had dove-gray skin, horns, and a symbol on their shirts or sweaters of whatever. The Hargreeves shared a look. This just got so much more complicated. 


	2. The Explanation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oof

  Jade Harley. Dave Strider. Rose Lalonde. John Egbert. The first four. Jake English. Dirk Strider. Roxy Lalonde. Jane Crocker. The last four. These,,,  _gods_ or whatever came crashing down, freaked out, then blinked out and came back with three gray horned aliens.

  Said aliens introduced themselves. "I'm Terezi Pyrope," one of the females said, her eyes a healthy yellow but framed by burn scars behind pointy oval sunglasses. A long red blindfold flowed down her back.

  She wore a boxy shirt made of sweater material that cut off below her bony shoulders and climbed up her throat. A teal Libra symbol was printed bold across her chest. Baggy teal-gray-brown pants with too many pockets in them held up by a black shoelace and red crocs(?). Her hair was choppy and hung to her shoulders, two sharp spikes jutting from her skull.

  Her body was sliced and bloody, rivers of teal down her arms and nose and legs and throat, even as she smiled wildly. She was seemingly guarded by John and Jade, who she laughed at and tried to whack with her red and white cane, tipped in a red dragon's head. John and Jade laughed, squeezing her into a tight hug.

  Another girl went. She was tall and elegant, a mouthful of dainty fangs framed by jade green lips instead of jagged glass in a pointy smile like Terezi. "My name is Kanaya Maryam," she said. Her words were slow and loping, careful.

  Her skin was a much lighter gray than the others, more white than black in the mix, and she wore a thick forests green longsleeve under a thin, boxy and flittery shortsleeved black shirt printed with a green Virgo. Both of her shirts were tucked into a high red skirt that framed her hips and then hung down her legs.

  Her hair was cut stylishly short and two tall, sharp and slightly curved horns stood through, only one hooked. Her face was cut and bruised, scabbed over and expression relieved but clinging to traces of darkness as dark green fell from between her lips. She stood tall by Rose, but eventually wilted, leaning on the slightly taller girl.

  The last one went, the singular male. He was short and scrawny, lean muscle clinging to his frame. He dragged a hand down his face, smearing the toxic red that trickled from his hairline and sliced the bridge of his tiny nose. "Karkat Vantas."

  His words were clipped and annoyed, even though his expression was worried. His pale gray skin was dusted with freckles that looked like ash scattered across his cheeks and nose, his eyes flecked with red like a gem. He wore a large black sweater that swallowed his frame and hung down to his thighs and ripped gray slacks, his shoes black and speckled with red from his blood.

  A iron gray symbol for Cancer was stamped across his chest. His hair was a mop of curls on his head, short horns just peeking out from the mess. He in general was stabbed and mottled with bruises, a long arching cut curling over his cheekbone and a puncture wound ribbing the fabric in his sweater, blood staining his slacks and shoes and sweater and hands. He stood, exhausted, by Dave, who's arm was curled around the boy, helping him stand. 

  The Umbrella Academy introduced themselves. "I'm Luther," the tall blonde boy with blue eyes says. "Di-Diego," the dark haired boy with brown eyes says with a hitching stutter hidden in his words frustratingly. "Allison," a pretty girl with curly hair and brown eyes says charmingly. "Klaus," says a pale boy with green eyes and exaggerated flourish. "Five," was all the boy with the sharp jaw and blue eyes had to say. "I'm Ben," the kind boy with dark hair and darker eyes says. "I'm Vanya," says the meek girl with long brown hair and sad brown eyes.

  Together, the Umbrella Academy and Sburb Players told their secrets. The Umbrella Academy told them of an unloving father that bought them and gave them numbers instead of names, of robot mothers and intelligent monkey assistants. They told them of how missions shaped their adolescence instead of school and fake smiles for an interview instead of picture day. Then, the Sburb players told them of how they accidentally destroyed their worlds. How they had to die to become gods. How they killed and watched their friends be killed. How there used to be so many of them. How they have to find a way to create a new universe. How they have to kill Lord English. The Academy offered to help pick off Lord English. The Players accepted with gratitude.


	3. Let’s Chase the Dragon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I’m REALLY sorry for the wait. I got blindsided by school and overwhelmed to the point of a breakdown. Also I kinda forgot about this account.

  JADE HARLEY gripped Allison Hargreeves’ and Roxy Lalonde’s hands tightly, her face twisted in concentration as she struggled to stretch space around them. With a crack of green, sulfur smelling lightning, the group slipped away.

  Luther Hargreeves felt his mind slip for a nanosecond, and then suddenly they were in a strange, dark desert with heavy sand and velvet skies. A hulking mass of green flesh and exposed tendons and rotten musculature pulsed before them, cueballs flashing in its eye sockets nauseatingly. Ripped cloth that may have once been clothes hung off its half-way decomposed body. It slammed a cane down into the shifting sand with a muffled thump and a spray of grit.

  “I SEE. YOU’VE BROUGHT FRIENDS. FOOLS. I’L SLAUGHTER EACH ONE OF. YOU.” It’s voice was like a cheese grater scraping flakes off of a chalkboard in the Ninth Ring of Hell. Terrible. 0/10. No, thank you. Luther’s mouth was dry as he prepared himself.

  John Egbert stepped forward. His face was neutrally cold, lips pressed thin and a huge hammer slung effortlessly over his shoulder. He smiled. “Get fucked.” His teeth were blinding in the low light.

**Author's Note:**

> Oof There'll be more Hagreeves in the next chapter I p r o m i s e


End file.
